I have so many what ifs floating around in my head. I am in therapy now because of it- and I wish I knew then what I know now. Here’s the thing, I know I was an emotional disaster and I didn’t handle it well. He would stay with me when I house sat for my brother things were good. After that he staid with me regularly- every Friday night and sometimes on Wednesdays and life was good for the most part. So after I picked him up and he went with me to the after the funeral whatever it’s called and that night wa the first night he staid the night with me.
I didn’t push the idea of R going to the funeral because he’s a painfully introverted person and I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. It took me until April or May to really feel the side effects of my dads death. But I didn’t have time to grieve, I had to make sure my mom was okay financially and then I had to ensure my mom and sister were ok too. In February of this year my dad got sick and passed away. I won’t lie I was very anxious and I had been (still am) dealing with anxiety for a while, he was well aware because I was very open and honest with him. We talked so much about our future together. So we proceeded to talk all the time, things were great. He asked me if he was a rebound and I told him I wasn’t sure and maybe he was, was he okay with that, he said he was. He told me he wanted to get married- I mean we even started a wedding guest list because, well why not? See when I first met him I was married but separated and the divorce conversations had already been happening- I told him everything- he knew my life situation and he was okay with it. He, I will call him R was someone who promised me we were okay, we were good, happy and could work through anything together. I was recently broke up with and it shattered me.
I don’t think I’m looking for advice or help I just want it all to go away. Initially I deleted my post but I have decided to repost it. Hello I’m literally just trying to get this off my chest.
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